Bowen Family Systems Theory
(BFST)
Maybe you see shades of how your parents treated you in how you react to your child when they upset you, or in how your parents fought when you fall into arguments with your spouse. Perhaps you despair over how to escape these generational patterns. There’s a way, and BFST can show you.
How I use it to help
BFST, named after its creator, Murray Bowen, states that our relationships, shaped by evolution, influence our behaviour. Families are the primary mechanism for transmitting these evolved patterns in most modern cultures. In turn, the patterns that appear in our lives outside our family reflect those we find within it, and by observing and better understanding these patterns, we gain the ability to change them. Of all BFST’s concepts, autonomy and connection, emotional triangles, and sibling position are the ones I refer to most in my work.
Autonomy and connection
According to BFST, everyone strikes a tradeoff between autonomy and connection to others. When anxiety is high, connection is usually prioritized because it tends to increase emotional support. However, too much connection can compromise emotional boundaries and interfere with personal goals (autonomy), whereas too little connection can leave us feeling anxious and isolated. Becoming aware of the (im)balance of autonomy and connection in different situations allows us to adjust it to manage our anxiety more adaptively.
Emotional Triangles
An emotional triangle is a temporary (but often recurring) set of relationships involving three people, like the points of a triangle. Examples include two parents and a child, or a couple and an outsider, such as a lover. Emotional triangles occur because strengthening one relationship at the expense of another acts as a pressure-release valve for a person, which, unless managed, may create a vicious cycle. I help clients identify their position in emotional triangles. Then, if they choose, clients can work on changing their position.
Sibling Positiion
Have you ever wondered why you differ so much from your siblings? How on Earth did you end up in the same family? In fact, each of you is in a unique emotional triangle with your parents (alive or not), born at different times with unique circumstances. What’s more, you’ll also likely be in emotional triangles with each other, which may involve a parent, when said parent takes a child’s side. These various triangles produce distinct personalities with some common traits, roughly divided into oldest, middle, and youngest child characteristics.