Bowen Family Systems Theory
(BFST)
Maybe you see shades of how your parents treated you in how you react to your child when they upset you, or in how your parents fought when you fall into arguments with your spouse. Perhaps you despair over how to escape these generational patterns. There’s a way, and BFST can show you.
How I use it to help
BFST, named after its creator, Murray Bowen, states that our relationships, shaped by evolution, influence our behaviour. Families are the primary mechanism for transmitting these evolved patterns in most modern cultures. In turn, the patterns that appear in our lives outside our family reflect those we find within it, and by observing and understanding these patterns better, we gain the ability to change them. Of all the concepts in Bowen’s elegant theory, differentiation, emotional triangles, and anxiety are the ones I refer to the most with clients.
Differentiation
Differentiation refers to a client’s balance of individuality (behaviour motivated by self-interest) and togetherness (behaviour motivated by others). When anxiety is high, togetherness increases, and individuality decreases, along with differentiation (because a person is more “together” or less different than others). Generally, when anxiety is low, the opposite is true. BFST divides differentiation into functional (situation-dependent) and basic (the average over time of functional) differentiation.
Emotional Triangles
An emotional triangle is a temporary (but often recurring) set of relationships involving three people. In the triangle, there are three relationships (two people in each), like the sides of a triangle. One or two relationships will be anxiety-driven and more “together”, and at least one relationship will be calm and relatively free of anxiety. Both parents and a child, two colleagues who share a dislike for their boss, and a spouse who has an affair, are all examples of emotional triangles. Identifying our role in a triangle helps us change it.
Sibling Positiion
Have you ever wondered why you differ so much from your siblings? How on Earth did you end up in the same family? In fact, each of you is in a unique emotional triangle with your parents (alive or not), born at different times with unique pressures. What’s more, you’ll also likely be in emotional triangles with each other, which may involve a parent, when said parent takes a child’s side. These various triangles produce distinct personalities with common traits, roughly divided into oldest, middle, and youngest child characteristics.
Are you ready to explore your family relationships and their impact on your life?
Click the “Book Here” button below to schedule a complimentary 20-minute inquiry call, during which we can discuss how my skills and experience with family systems can improve your relationships within and outside your family.